I’m in my own world driving down the street. The day is nice, and on the Old School radio station in my city they play “Thin Line Between Love and Hate” by The Persuaders. Immediately I sing along in a falsetto that you couldn’t rival in your dreams.   I glance to my left and get the “crazy” stare from a beautiful lady, her toddler, and her dog. I was into it too much. As I gathered myself and listened to the song I realized something. There’s a thin line between business Networking and NOTWorking.

I want to take the time to give you some keys pointers on how to connect in climates that allow you to network but people may not be in a networking state of mind. This is the silent assassin to building successful relationships: you’re “networking” your mark while they’re “not working.” I could have added a spot for building at “business networking events” but everyone there is in that frame of mind already. If you ever want to get to befriend power players, don’t always try to when their power suits are neatly pressed, cuff links are perfectly in place, and their hi-beams are on. Use those times when neckties are loosened and hair is let down to bust open the doors. I hear these questions all the time; Rob, can you tell me…

Can I try business Networking at a social event?

The Key word here is Social. Most people don’t come to social events to do or even talk about business.The best thing to do is make regular conversation the way you would in any social setting and try to make a FRIEND! “All things being equal people want to do business with friends. All things being not so equal, people STILL want to do business with their friends.” – Jeffrey Gitomer

Remember when talking in this setting to ask questions using the Power of F.O.R.M.: Family, Occupation, Recreation and Motivation. Don’t just ask them about what they do! Most people are trying to get away from work so don’t bring it to a social event. That’s like trying to talk Happy Meals with a McDonald’s manager at a nightclub. Find out what they like doing in their free time or maybe what is a trip they want to take this year.

In my experience I have found the highest-level people carry no cards. So what does that mean? Don’t offer yours… Take their cell number or email down and immediately connect with them on all the social media networks after you get home.

How-to-Network Power Play: Don’t drink too many drinks if you are still trying to “network.”

How do I Network with a Coworker?

If you’ve ever read the book Acres of Diamonds by Russell Conwell, then you know that some of the finest gemstones are in your own backyard. In any business environment, most people only know their coworkers superficially and don’t take the time to get to know them on an intellectual basis. Try taking fifteen minutes a day and get to know someone at work a little bit better. If you find something in common– similar high school, hometown, or childhood activity your depth of connection will immediately go up 1,000 percent. If you only network with one person a week, next year you’ll have fifty new connections, which you have something in common with!

Also, never think that there are certain levels of employees that you should only build co-worker connections with. Never look down on the mail clerk or janitor, you never know who they may find favor with within the company.   Always remember that some of your most important connections come in the most mysterious ways. You could be talking to a mail clerk that is the son/daughter of the company VP. They may run that company one day and you established that important connection before everyone else. On the flip side maybe you have a side passion like music. Your connection to a co-worker could lead you to a famous producer. It happens.

How-to-Network Power Play: Connect with your fellow co-workers on Facebook so you can get to know their personal and family side.

How do I network with INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE?

The big fish, everybody dreams of saying they’ve networked with (insert your dream connection.) Connecting with big wigs are one of the best things you can do to build momentum in your business. What celebrities, athletes, and business power players carry with them is influence. People are most likely to follow people that are influential and have a great track record.

Here are 3 important things to remember:

1. They put their pants on the same way as you! My mentor told me to never look up to anybody of influence… he said you look at them straight in the eye. They are no different then you.

How-to-Network Power Play: Stop acting like they are a foreign creature! The influential person will notice and appreciate this also. That’s how you will stand out to them.

2. When you meet influential people for the first time, you better have something powerful to ask or something powerful to say or you will have blown the opportunity. Read down this blog to find 8 powerful questions. Remember to go slow and have something for them that they perceive to be valuable! In my experience, I found out the slower you go the more likely you are to maintain a great connection.

3. Have a way to add value after the meeting. During the conversation you should have at least 3 ways to add value to what this influential person does! Reference my book for the many other ways to become Remarkable instead of invisible. How can I help you… and with no motive is one of the best ways to not only to make a connection but keep it!

Always remember this! People can smell “What’s In It For Me” like bad cologne on an Italian wise guy so try not to network while wearing this fragrance. The next thing for you to do is go, connect, and build! ]]> http://www.connectionaire.com/2010/05/networking-and-not-working-the-only-difference-is-one-letter/feed/ 5 http://www.connectionaire.com/2010/04/i%e2%80%99ve-cheated-more-than-tiger-woods-now-i-have-to-answer-to-her/ http://www.connectionaire.com/2010/04/i%e2%80%99ve-cheated-more-than-tiger-woods-now-i-have-to-answer-to-her/#comments Mon, 26 Apr 2010 20:29:27 +0000 RobCoats http://www.connectionaire.com/?p=289

BEFORE YOU GO ANY FURTHER WATCH THIS VIDEO:

CRAP! I Think I’m Tiger Woods!

Tiger did it. He did it A LOT! So many women put him on Front Street that it wasn’t funny. If I would have been given the chance to get some money I would have went on Access Hollywood myself and took some shots! Truthfully in all seriousness Tiger was in trouble way before that faithful Thanksgiving night in 2009 and I could tell what the problem was immediately…he lost his accountability. He lost his way. In 2006 Tiger lost his accountability partner, his father, Earl Woods. The next thing you know Tiger was having his own personal FreekNiK with all sorts of women.

While everyone was busy judging Mr. Woods, I had to step back and look at myself. I too can be Tiger Woods. I AM TIGER WOODS! You are too! No, there aren’t Perkins waitresses and Las Vegas party promoters in my bedroom that causes me to be comparable. But I too have committed infidelity quite a bit…on my dreams, goals, and aspirations. Many times I’ve made a to-do-list only to step out on it with something else. (Don’t judge me, you too have committed Success Adultery!) My lack of accountability started to close in on me and my future success came at me swinging a Titleist 9 Iron! When the medics arrived it was quite a wake-up call.

My dreams, goals, and aspirations are Elin Woods and I needed to find a “Sex Rehab” so to speak. So I found what is called an Accountability Partner. Accountability Partners are so important because they don’t let you resort back to the old you. You don’t need someone who is there to just keep you in check and be someone that you tell your biggest and darkest secrets to. You need someone who is always going to be encouraging you to be better and reach the goals that you set for yourself.

I Need One of These

How the heck do I find an Accountability Partner? I’m glad you asked. Finding someone to keep you accountable is as important as marrying the right spouse. The chemistry can either be as magical as Puffy and Ma$e or Cliff & Claire Huxtable or as toxic as Terrell Owens and any team that he has played for since he left the 49ers.

I’m going to let you in on my “Accountability Partner” world. My AP is Shanel Cooper Sykes, a successful New Yorker that is relentless in her pursuit to make me better. It’s not always sexy. It doesn’t always look like Paula Patton in a gorgeous red carpet gown. Sometimes it can be downright Mo’Nique in “Precious” (okay a little extreme but you get the point.) Sometimes necessary outweighs sexy and it’s for the BEST. My AP is important to my success and my growth. I call her my Success Wife! She makes me take out the garbage, do chores, and talks to me while the game is on (read: keeps me focused.) Here’s how:

• Having an AP in Shanel Cooper Sykes has been amazing because before I even had an idea to write my book she already finished hers. She had already took the time and went through the whole process so that helped me with making less errors because she had already done it. She also had been successful at selling thousands of copies online. She sold a lot of copies so that let me know that it was possible to do.
• My Success Wife kept me focused on finishing the book because I am a idea-holic at times. I am an aries (don’t know if that matters) and when I get an inspired thought or Aha! moment, I will instantly move on to the next new project and not spend as many hours being patient so I can let the first idea come to fruition. Many times I said “what about if I open a chain of barber shops or start doing my “Connect Your Life” events” and she would say STOP! Promote your book now Rob now that youre finished. Put a link in your status updates that lets people buy. Do a teleseminar etc…
• My AP is always there to let me know when I’m going against the image or brand that I’m portraying. Many times she’s corrected me when I’m posting things on a break up or a meaningless quote or song and she will say “Rob, what are you doing!” Post something about your Book! People don’t care about what you just ate. Give them value! Let them know why Connecting is important. Many times she has went as far as posting things on actual post that say “Rob! You just don’t get it! Smh!” and this is open for all my friends and fans to see! You need someone who is bold like that who will pimp slap you to Success and embarress you if they have to!
• “What are you doing” WW_D? Knowing who you want to model is key. What keeps Shanel focused on her empire is always thinking What Would Oprah Do? Before she posts any statement she clearly thinks about it. That keeps her brand tight. Finding someone you look up to and studying their post and seeing what they do to grow their success will help you immensely when building your brand online and in person.
• She keeps me humble. All my social media friends can be telling me how much of a great job I’m doing but she will make me look at reality and say “so how much have you made off of people “liking” your status updates? Her job isn’t to make me feel good… It’s to make me rich and by giving me the honest truth day in and day out whether I like it or not is definitely rare. .
• My AP never lets me get comfortable with present or past successes…. A quote I always remember is “fame is a vapor, popularity an accident.” John Hagee, a famous TV pastor says, “Success brings stagnation, and with stagnation comes death.” Always be in creation mode.
• Choosing an AP for each field in your life where you need improvement will also help you on your journey. The only thing that seperates me from most people is knowing that I don’t know everything and I can’t do it all myself. I have AP’s in speaking, in writing, in fitness, and spiritual. Every single one of them are are better than me in their chosen field of expertise. Every single one! Lets take speaking for example. Now that I’m finished with my book the way to get it out to more people is to share it in person. For that I will have to start tailoring powerful messages. Now the reality is I haven’t done public speaking for months but now that I have a powerful publicist I have to have a polished speech. For that I called my friends Shaun Derik, Javier Sanchez and Chris Davis. These individuals have been speaking full time for several years. Why not call them and get their expertise and get the best possible plan in the shortest amount of time so I can kill the speaking game! I borrow their experiences and they give me secrets so I don’t have to waste time making mistakes on my own.
• Pick up your phone and answer your emails. At times when I get off course I don’t want to speak to my AP’s because I know I’m not doing what I should do but that doesn’t do anything but slow me down. Running or hiding from a situation doesn’t help you. Be up front and take your whoopon like a man! In the end you will thank them greatly for it!
• Having someone keep you straight and on pace is a big deal! It’s a big deal for both parties. It’s the person that is keeping you on pace with your small goals so that when you look up a year from now and see how much farther you’ve gone it will blow your mind.
•  It’s easy to say what you’re going to do. It’s easy to write them down on paper or put them in the notes section of your “Droid, iPhone, or Blackberry; it’s another thing to look your AP in the face and try to explain why you didn’t get it done but you really had no excuse that is worthy enough. That’s what Tiger had to feel like while telling Elin why he couldn’t get those vows done. I’m done cheating on my dreams, goals, and aspirations. That is the feeling my Accountability Partner helps me avoid every time we meet.

My advice to you is to get one…NOW!

If you have an accountability partner, how do you make sure that you both get the most from the relationship?

Please Leave a Comment and Let me know you’re alive!!

“Leap and the net will appear. There will be a thousand unseen bands waiting just for you.” –Joseph Campbell

I was recently cutting the hair of a friend who is a sophomore in college at Ohio State University and he was very troubled about networking. Now here’s a guy that had made over $100k at the age of 16 by doing computer consulting for companies, so by no means does he lack intelligence. His challenge, however, was his social skills. He told me that he didn’t feel like he had interpersonal skills because he was either on the computer 8 hours a day, or studying for the 23 credit hours that he was taking this semester. He told me he found it hard to keep conversations going past the “Hi my name is ____ and I’m a student at Ohio State” point.

 His dilemma is very common for most people in society today but is very simple to master. If you want to become effective with communication just master the art of asking the right questions.

 The best opening questions are those that encourage people to speak about themselves, or their work, passions, family, or experiences. Remember people love talking about themselves. Making the conversation about them in the very beginning lets you see what kind of person they are and also can help you to find some common ground

 Here are 8 great questions to build rapport in social or business settings:

• As the owner of a business, what do you find to be the two or three greatest challenges you face?
• How do you relieve the stress of your work?
• How did you get into your line of work?
• Who are your role models?
• When did you decide on this career path?
• How has your year been?
• What is your goal for next year?
• Where would you most like to live and work?

 So with this being said if want to know how to keep the conversation flowing MEMORIZE these questions. Don’t just glance at these and take notes but make it a conscious decision to know these like you know the back of your hand. I guarantee these will get you past the quiet awkward moments. Lastly, remember to be “Yourself.” You never know if the person on the other end has had (or is having) the very same conflicts you have!

 Please comment, tweet or digg this if you got something out of this! Thank you!

“It’s not what you know or who you know but who you will ask.” – Rob Coats
Getting help from people is one of the main reasons for establishing a large network but if you never take the time to tap into your network you will waste a heck of a lot of time.

For most people, asking for help isn’t an easy thing and it’s because in life usually at a very early age we’ve asked for something and were either scolded or hurt in a big way as a result and that experience has shaped our current reality. I’ve read that most people do things for 2 reasons in life: to avoid pain and/or to gain pleasure.  Most people would rather suffer than actually take the chance and get help to fix the problem. I will do my best at helping you over this hurdle in your life.

Most people don’t like asking for help when networking because it makes them feel vulnerable and they feel that they will either owe the person or the person will hold it over there head forever.

I recently read a blog post by Dr.Deb (a psychologist that specializes in trauma and depression) who was interviewed for The Tyra Banks Show on How To Ask For Help.

This is what she listed as being some of the most common myths that  hold people back from Asking today.

Myth: It makes us look vulnerable.

Truth: Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment. It communicates to others that, while you may not have the answers, you are willing to find them and make things better.

Myth: Holding things in and keeping personal issues under wraps keeps us secure.

Lastly rember these 3 things when asking for help;
1. What type of help you need- Be specific. Let people know exactly what it is you want so they can know how to assist you.
2. Why you need it
3. When you need it

When you practice these simple truths you are much more likely to get help when asking then to not get it at all.

Please leave comments so I know that your alive.

Don’t treat people like a transaction. It’s just that simple. Turn off WIIFM (What’s in it for me) and turn on “what can I do for you”. By helping people and adding value to their life, their business, their connections, you build a rapport.

Be different, be engaging, ask people about their passion, ask them how you can help them with this.

Isn’t it scary that no matter how much knowledge you hold in that noggin’ of yours and how much credibility you can muster, it can all be torn down by those you ASSOCIATE with. A Connectionaire is always aware of who they are surrounded by. If you’re questioning whether or not your relationship with someone could be hurting you, ask yourself these questions:

• Do our values/ethics aline?
• Would I recommend this person to a colleague?
• Is this a mutual relationship?
• Do you counsel/encourage each other in goals and aspirations?
• Would you introduce this person to others you are doing business with?
• Would you vouch for them?

Always- Consistency is mandatory to all Connectionaires. Know what you are capable of, what you want, and keep at it! Nothing screams UNPLUG louder than a connection with someone that is unreliable. Be “of value” to others and bring value their way as well.

Be- Connectionaire is who you are. It’s a thought-process, it’s an action, it’s a way of life. Think of your actions as stepping stones to where you want to be. Do your spoken words match your inner thoughts? Do you execute things that lend to your ultimate goal? Be on your game!

Connecting- Connecting goes far beyond trading business cards at a networking event. Meeting people and exchanging contact information is just the tip. For starters, don’t compile a mountain of contacts that have no VALUE to you. Make sure that each business card you keep has a name, face, story and relationship attached to it. I’m not saying that you have to be dating this person or preparing for Thanksgiving dinner with them, but you do have to share a desire to help one another. After retaining someone’s contact information, go ahead- contact them! 99% of people don’t follow up- standing out is that easy! Following up with a person after an initial encounter shows them your interest and commitment to making the connectionship be a success.

Start by connecting with me. Leave a comment in the box below.

“I would rather attempt something great and fail than attempt to do nothing and succeed.” – Robert Schuller

Relationships are everything- In the 21rst century Relationships are everything as a matter of fact all selling will be relational selling.

Customers and people are naturally suspicious and they have a right to be. People or customers consider the relationship to be more powerful then the product that you are selling. I hate to tell you this but your product or service is usually somewhere else. They don’t have to buy from you… They can buy right from your competitor or not buy at all. The only reason they are going to buy from you is because they know, like, and believe in you and feel what you are saying is true.

Please take a moment to “Comment” and tell me Your Thoughts on this. Thank You

In this tough economy, no one has to tell you how important it is to network. If you don’t know that, you are either independently wealthy and don’t ever need to work, or you’ve been hiding under a rock for the bulk of your career.

What a lot of people don’t recognize, until they are faced with a difficult situation, is that it pays to stay connected –particularly in good times, when you don’t feel the need as much to keep in touch. Staying networked on a regular basis will put you steps ahead of everyone else who has not remained connected when it comes time for a job search or getting the information or resources you need.

While most people are happy to help you by either taking time to meet with you or spend a few minutes to chat on the phone, their time is limited–and no one likes a fair-weather friend, acquaintance, or colleague. It is uncomfortable for both parties to become reconnected only when one person needs something from the other. This may work once, but it rarely works twice.

Aside from the obvious efforts to join industry associations or attend alumni events, there are some simple, yet highly effective, ways to stay connected and build stronger professional relationships.

Go to lunch.
It’s easy to get consumed at work or in your daily activities and just inhale a sandwich at your desk. However, by making a point to go to lunch at least once or twice a week with a friend or colleague who works at your firm or elsewhere, you can not only stay in touch, but you can also find out what’s happening with other people and other companies.

Give value first
This is best done unsolicited, but is just as important when someone asks you for help. Whether it is putting people in contact with a potential employer, client, partner, etc., or giving them information that could be useful for them, they will remember your generosity and return the favor. For example, by sending people information on an upcoming Connect Your Life event that they may not already be aware of, with a note attached (”I thought you might be interested in this.”), you remind them of your presence and demonstrate your willingness to help them. Once again, most people will be flattered that you thought of them.

Connect others.
By putting other people in touch and helping them to broaden their connectionships, you are helping them expand the realm of people that they can, in turn, put you in touch with. They will also remember the favor (magazine…lol) and return it one day.

Help others succeed.
If the saying goes, “It pays to know people in high places,” then help others attain these high places, so you can know these people.

If you go to Connect Your Life events on a monthly basis, people will start to come to you as a source of information. People will say, “Call Robbie–she knows everyone.” Or, “Call Chad, he always knows what people are up to.” When you’ve achieved and maintained this level of connection with others, your call to them will seem far less of an imposition than it might have if you hadn’t made these ongoing efforts to stay connected.

If you’ve made it this far down please take 2 Seconds and Make a Comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts